Rachel’s Recap: The Bachelor, Episode Two

Welcome back!  Lucky for us, Week Two was filled with a bunch of petty drama just like we hoped! Here is a quick recap of the most dramatic moments from the 2-hour episode:

Hannah Brown is STILL here.

For those who live under a rock, Hannah Brown was the former bachelorette and the girl Peter wanted to marry. However, she made the dumbest mistake of her life and sent the sweet pilot home towards the end of her season. But now she’s back and wants to try again with him? Not how it works, Hannah.

Hannah Brown showed up to Peter’s group date, and he spent much of his time in a long conversation with her. She spent much of that conversation in his lap.  This messed with his head so much, he cancelled the group date. Needless to say, the other contestants on the date were not pleased.

I have to call out my girl Natasha for not only standing up for herself, but for all the other girls, when she confronted Peter about the fact that every day she had seen Peter, she has seen Hannah too, and that it wasn’t fair. Amen.

The Champagne Pain.

This might be one of my favorite moments from the series…ever. Desperate Kelsey had planned to pop champagne (which she had been saving for over year) with Peter. She placed the champagne near a fireplace with glasses and lit a candle next to it. Très romantique. While she was inside telling the other girls about how excited she was, Hannah Ann was chatting outside with Peter. Here comes the best part. While Hannah Ann and Peter were walking back, they spotted champagne that looked to be set up just for them! Hannah Ann and Peter were enjoying a sweet toast before Kelsey came out and had what can best be described as a total meltdown.

I choose to believe Hannah Ann had no idea it was Kelsey’s champagne – how could she? According to Kelsey, that was “supposed to be her moment” with Peter, and Hannah Ann took it. Along with using language I am unable to repeat in a student newspaper, she told Hannah Ann, “I’m real, you’re calculated,” which is an excellent (and versatile!) phrase. Don’t fear, our precious Peter got a new bottle of champagne to pop with Kelsey. Everything was going well until Kelsey decided to drink out of the bottle instead of a glass. Not a good idea, Kelsey. As she went to sip from the bottle, the champagne exploded all over her face, and I experienced enough second-hand embarrassment to last a lifetime.

Good news is that the dramatic 28-year-old accepted a rose and is guaranteed to be back next week. Thank the Bachelor Gods.

Let Your “Personalities” Shine.

I will admit, I was jealous of the girls on Peter’s second group date. He took them to walk in the Revolve Fashion Show. I repeat – the Revolve Fashion Show. Not only that, but the winner got the whole Revolve closet. Yes, all of it. The goal of this was to get the girls to show off their personalities. Some loved this idea, some not so much. Frontrunner Hannah Ann, who is a model outside of the show, used every ounce of confidence she had on that catwalk. Victoria F on the other hand had approximately ten panic attacks. Celebrity Carson Kressley even pointed out that “boyfriends are temporary, cashmere is forever.” That might just be one of my senior yearbook quotes. Both girls stood out on the runway as Hannah Ann strutted in a wedding dress and veil, while Victoria F wore a more casual outfit but made sure to steal a kiss from our bachelor before walking back off the runway. After Hannah Ann won overall, Victoria F had herself a little pity party about Hannah Ann always winning, and I did not empathize with her. Hannah Ann deserved it. Move on. But I guess fishing for compliments worked because it got her a rose?

Tune in next week as we continue to navigate Peter’s flight for love.